The following is a list of random crap from complete strangers that has been inflicted on my daughter and ultimately myself in the past five months she has been on this earth.

1) person in line at the grocer: ‘your baby is so cute!’

Me: thank-you.

Person: ‘but really cute!’

Me: thank-you.

Person: ‘let me kiss her!’ *puckers up lips*

Me: ‘I’d rather you didn’t.’

Person: ‘really!?!’ *lips still puckered*

Me: ‘yes, really.’

Person: *puckered lips turn to muttering*…I think I heard the word ‘bitch’ somewhere.

2) an old man stuffed his head in her pram and screamed in her face ‘NICE GIRLY! BEAUTIFUL GIRLY! CUTE GIRLY!’ My daughter cried in terror and I had to yank the buggy away. I was a little terrified myself.

3) an old lady saw my baby and said ‘how beautiful, God bless.’ I said thank-you and kept walking. The old lady started to follow me, demanding to know her name and how old she was and where exactly did we live. I ended up taking a side street completely out of our way to get rid of her.

4) I met a couple of old friends in the street and with them was someone I did not know. She exclaimed ‘her face is gorgeous!’ and she proceeded to carress my child’s face repeatedly. I wanted to rip off her hand and beat her senseless with it.

5) I was sitting down, minding my own business when a lady came up to me and asked if she could take my daughter’s picture.

NO.

6) I was about to breastfeed in a completely empty, rather large food court when a man came in and decided to sit directly opposite me, in spite of the fact that there were at least 60 empty tables.

Whenever I take out my daughter for a walk on my own, I feel so incredibly vulnerable. I hold the pushchair so tightly that my knuckles go white. When people I don’t know approach us, my heart beats a little faster and I begin to pray that nobody puts their grubby paws on my baby. I’m going to design a pamphlet on etiquette when approaching a new mum.

It will only be one page long with only one important sentence :

GO AWAY.

Sigh.