I often declare how I love everything about Christmas. Well to be entirely honest there are some things I don’t like. (I made myself abundantly clear about Santa, so moving on…)

1. Crowds: dear Lord, they are everywhere. Usually a shopping mall would be pretty empty on a Monday afternoon. But no. Come 1st December it is like some mecca for all people from far and near, conglomerating in the palace of commerce. I warn you-there will be body odour.

 

2. Restaurants: Unless you have a booking, you can forget it. No matter what day it is. Everyone is tired from shopping so nobody wants to cook. You can see people eyeing each other come 7.30pm in a busy shopping district and politely quickening their pace without actually looking at each other in order to arrive at the restaurant down the street first. Then the sneaky bugger who is behind whips out his mobile and makes a booking there and then (the cheeky bastard even has gloves that are smart phone screen friendly) and ends up getting the table you so desperately covet and should be rightfully yours as you were first but did not have the gumption to bring out your phone.

 

3. Ordering in: unless you place your order at 5pm for delivery you will not receive it before 9pm. Did you honestly think that you were the only clever one to consider a quiet evening in with the cat in your onesie scoffing pizza? Well, you weren’t. And if it’s raining, don’t even bother to pick up the phone. Unless you fancy a mid-night snack, that is.

 

4. Tacky Christmas decor: I absolutely love Christmas decorations. When they are beautiful. Because many a time, they are not. Wood, glass, crystal, artisan, crochet, embroidered…all good. Plastic, vinyl, neon, vulgar…bad.

 

5. Christmas cake: eugh. Gross. What an abominable confection. You make it as if you are making a lovely, rich chocolate cake and then you chuck in so much fruit and candied peel that you forget the goodness it started out as. I remember for home-economics we had to make one back at school and when we were mixing in the fruit the girl at the station adjacent to mine whispered under her breath ‘damn I wish these were chocolate chips..’ Girl…word.

 

6. E-mail avalanche: do you online shop almost exclusively like I do? My inbox get about 15 new emails daily from online shops declaring that I absolutely need new boots, a Christmas sweater, fragrances, homeware, a mermaid tail knitted blanket…ok, actually I do sort of actually really need a mermaid tail blanket…I mean, come on people, you feel like a mermaid…on land…while wearing a onesie…

 

7. Rhinovirus: otherwise known as the common cold. And when will it strike? Within that week when you have your office Christmas do, your best friend’s Christmas wedding, the day you plan on completing your Christmas shopping and when you feel like a bastard taking sick leave at work for fear of having a colleague called in from his vacation leave to cover the slack.

 That being said, I am still a tremendous Christmas lover and I think I will always be and the only time I will say ‘Bah! Humbug!’ is if someone is playing Bach while offering me a minty confection.

  
 

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