Due to the fact that I was a victim of teenage girl bullying from the ages of 12 until 15, I was of the belief that I could not possibly be worth anything to other people. I was convinced that I was extremely lucky to have the few friends I had and that it would only be a matter of time before they grew tired of me.

Terrible, yes? That anyone should think this way of themselves. When I look back, I can’t believe I thought so little of myself. And it affected me. For a while. Through university and sixth form for sure. It is the law of attraction, which I have been reading a lot about of late. The more I thought of myself as worthless, I became a person of little worth. Even though I am smart, I did not do particularly well at school, I was in rather unsuitable relationships and I used to binge drink on weekends.

Ok, to be honest these all sound like typical youthful things to do. But the problem was that I was not your typical youth. And I should have been better than all that.

Today, I am glad to say I am very aware of my self-worth. I consider myself a happy and successful person, doing the things I love and doing them really quite well. And now I feel like I am privileged to have friends, but they are also privileged to have me. And along the years I have met many, many good people and have made many, many good friends. And that is probably because now I consider myself a good person, worthy of love and friendship and good things.

I truly believe that people come into our lives for a reason, season or a life-time. And I believe because I opened myself up to others, I have been changed for the better. Many of my encounters have been an education.

And to the people who stuck by me through thick and thin, and there are many, I want to thank you. I like the person I have become and that is definitely because of you. Those who saw through the bullshit and helped me focus on what was good. Those who turned my negatives into positives and those who never stopped loving me even when I was unloveable. 

I also thank those who were not there for me, who showed me anything but love. You gave me character at the end of the day and an undying compassion for others. Probably if it weren’t for you, I would have never had this passion for helping those who are sick or in an unfortunate position; to be able to help people who feel like their world is crumbling around them and like they have lost all control- and I could do this because I was once there.

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

For Good- from the musical ‘Wicked’

I’m limited

Just look at me

I’m limited

And just look at you you can do all I couldn’t do

Glinda

So now it’s up to you

For both of us

Now it’s up to you

I’ve heard it said

That people come into our lives for a reason

Bringing something we must learn

And we are led

To those who help us most to grow

If we let them

And we help them in return

Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true

But I know I’m who I am today

Because I knew you…

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes a sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

I have been changed for good

It well may be

That we will never meet again

In this lifetime

So let me say before we part

So much of me

Is made of what I learned from you

You’ll be with me

Like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end

I know you have re-written mine

By being my friend…

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In a distant wood

Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?

But because I knew you

Because I knew you

I have been changed for good

And just to clear the air

I ask forgiveness

For the things I’ve done, you blame me for

But then, I guess we know

There’s blame to share

And none of it seems to matter anymore

Like a comet pulled from orbit

As it passes the sun

Like a stream that meets a boulder

Halfway through the wood

Like a ship blown from its mooring

By a wind off the sea

Like a seed dropped by a skybird

In the wood (Harmony over Glinda)

Who can say if I’ve been

Changed for the better?

I do believe I have been

Changed for the better

And because I knew you…

Because I knew you…

Because I knew you…

I have been changed for good…

 

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