If you are not a nurse yourself but decide to marry one, you must be a very special individual, because after you say ‘I do’, your life will never march to the beat of normal society’s drum ever again.

Here’s why:

1) your job will always be trivial in comparison to hers. (I use hers because being a nurse myself, I am going to give the female perspective). If you make a mistake you may get into some shit: people might lose money or time or a document. If she makes a mistake, somebody dies. Full-stop.

2) she will talk about gross things without realising that they are actually gross. To her they are normal. Shit, piss, vomit, blood…as every day as coffee.

3) most of her friends are nurses. When they get together they all talk about gross things in a disgusting conglomerate of fluids, odours and semi-solids. The husbands stand in a corner and get to finally talk about normal things like football or their own jobs…and how incredibly hot their nurse-wives are.

4) the weekend concept does not exist anymore. TGIF my ass. Let’s have a fancy anniversary dinner on a Tuesday night, because she’s off Wednesday…

5) her alarm goes off at 5.10am almost every day and she jumps out of bed in a flurry of activity to be out the door by 5.55am where she will make coffee, shower, style her hair and put on light make-up and prepare her lunch and possibly her husband’s. Said husband will have to learn to sleep through this because his normal job probably starts 3hrs later.

6) Christmas and New Years? She spends them at hospital. You will need to celebrate them on another day. Or in the evening when her shift is over and she looks a bit awful and very tired.

7) never pretend to know anything medical. You know nothing. She knows everything. She will prove you wrong, always. Get used to this fact. Never argue with her about illnesses. And if she ever catches you googling symptoms without talking to her first be prepared for wrath. 

Kinda like this:

8) unless you are dying, you are not sick. To her, nobody is sick unless they have cancer. Or meningitis. Conversations go like this:

Friend: my mum is in hospital!

Me: oh dear! What’s wrong?

Friend: she won’t stop vomiting!

Me: is it cancer?

Friend: no, they ruled it out.

Me: ah, we’re good then…

Friend: but bloody bits are coming out of her mouth…

Me: I said we’re good.

So ‘manflu’ is way down on the list of illnesses which she cares about.

9) but on the flip side, if she furrows her brow and calls a doctor, be seriously worried.

10) she can do everything. At once. And she prioritises like a pro. If she does not think something is important, it probably isn’t.

11) she does not suffer from road rage. She is used to people being rude and inconsiderate, and people who believe the rules don’t apply to them, so she honestly doesn’t expect better. 

12) but then, when people are just the limit, expect sass like no other…

13) when people are nice, they make her so happy! So she seriously appreciates the good in others.

14) when there is an opportunity to meet non-hospital friends, she must take it because it helps her remember that there is an actual person behind the nursie exterior.

15) most husbands of nurses learn these things while they are dating….and they STILL stick around! So they are special and we lurrrrrve you!

Until next time, folks!