I am surrounded by stressful situations. Really and truly, who is not? But I worry about everything and I am constantly feeling responsible for everything, in my work, at home, even socially. I often find myself apologising for things that are not within my control or I drift off into broody silences where the cog wheels of my mind turn incessantly, grinding and grinding over past circumstances and what I could have possibly done better or if I should have done anything at all. I worry about other people’s problems and feel a need to solve them and when I don’t manage I feel guilty and bad because maybe if I had tried harder I would have figured it out. People who don’t even mean that much to me.

And do you know what? It’s turning me into a grandma. Seriously. I have wrinkles, my back hurts and I am tired all the time. This is not something I wanted or chose.

Until a little while ago, that was my frame of mind. But then I realised something: I am choosing this.
And I do not have to.

Only recently did this grave realisation wash over me. I don’t HAVE TO worry. I don’t need to assume responsibility for everything under the sun. And it’s ok to live in the moment and enjoy it. Sometimes I would be at dinner with my husband or a group of friends but my head would be miles away, worrying about what tomorrow might bring. Lately I realised: I crave fun, and when I’m meant to be having it, I spend the entire time in my head, only half way present. Which is awful.

I live on a beautiful island. There is peace in my country. I drive for 10 minutes and I am by the sea. I am loved and I love others. I am healthy. I am respectfully employed.

I have everything. It’s high time I started enjoying it. And I have absolutely started. And I plan to continue.

Smile, without a reason why
Love, as if you were a child,
Smile, no matter what they tell you
Don’t listen to a word they say
Cause life is beautiful that way.

Tears, a tidal wave of tears
Light, that slowly disappears
Wait, before you close the curtain
There is still another game to play
And life is beautiful that way

Here with his eyes forevermore
I will always be as close as you
Remember from before
Now that you’re out there on your own
Remember what is real and
What we dream is love alone

Keep the laughter in you eyes
Soon your long awaited prize
We’ll forget about our sorrows
And think about a brighter day
Cause life is beautiful that way.

We’ll forget about our sorrows
And think about a brighter day,
Cause life is beautiful that way
There’s still another game to play
And life is beautiful that way.

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