I love myself a bargain, yes indeed. Yet I do not usually enjoy the physical going-out-and-buying your bargain part of the deal. Hence why I usually shop online.
Today I decided to do something different. I actually ventured out into the real world for some sale shopping.

Dear lord. People are animals. And rude.

And since you can’t do that to rude people in real life, or else it’s extremely unadvisable, I will write a small passive aggressive list instead.

1) that cute baby blue top in my hands? Yeah, I saw it first. It is actually in my hands. I will probably buy it. You touching its sleeve while I hold it up against me to see how it fits does not suddenly give you dibs on it. Get your paws off my potential purchase and find your own.

2) yes, changing rooms are a bit of a nightmare in the January sales, but stripping down your nine-year-old in the middle of the shop because you are an impatient parent is a no-no. It is also a no-no when the impatient parent also strips down. You could have at least shaved. Double embarrassment for the 9 year-old.

3) by all means, go shopping with a buddy. But must you both stand side by side while admiring the same item thus creating a wall of human in front of the entire sale wrack?

4) to go with point three: do sale shoppers become momentarily deaf? I said excuse me seven times to the human wall. It’s a plain 3€ black top, not a John Paul gaultier ‘jupe per homme’ (skirt for man), it can’t warrant that much discussion. It will not make a statement in your fashion repertoire. Girl, you are wearing transparent leggings, I can see your thong and your cellulite with a too-tight puffa jacket. You obviously don’t care that much.

5) I open the changing room curtain. Sales girl with fake smile ‘wow, that’s beautiful on you!’ They were the clothes I walked in with, I had been wearing them all day. They weren’t even from that shop. But I appreciated the compliment.

6) me: do you have another top like this? It’s shop soiled…
Sales person: no dear, that’s not soil, just a bit of sweat…

7) while waiting in line at the changing room, I was playing with my phone. All of a sudden I feel a small presence and I see this 6 year old kid staring at me. Kid: hello. I’m really bored. Can I play angry birds on your phone please? I won’t break it…
Voice from the changing room: ‘Justin! What have I told you about asking strangers for their phones! It’s VERY RUDE!’
Actually, he was the most polite person I encountered all day. I also loved how he assumed I’m an angry birds fan.

8) shower before you shop. Shops are heated and crowded.

9) that moment when you see a 60 year-old pick out the same outfit as you. 2 thoughts:
a) damn, that OAP has some wicked style!
b) damn, I dress like a grandma.

10) don’t be the arse-face harassing the sales person. Just because a dress in the same style but different colour is not also at sale price is probably not the employees’ fault. Asking for her name and threatening to shame her on Facebook doesn’t make you intimidating. It just makes everyone in the store want to give you a boot to the face.

Well, that’s my little rant over.
And I guess in the grand scale of things, this is merely a trifle. After all, this is a food blog.

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