This post has nothing to do with food. Actually, it may probably put you off your food. But I have an important little message, especially important for summer:

Please attend to your personal hygiene.

There. I said it. One would think this is obvious, but guess again. It’s not. Unwashed people smell positively disgusting. The worst is when they rush by you and you get this brief yet putrid breeze of odour and your stomach turns a bit.

Different classes of body odour include:

1) Chicken soup: The packaged knorr variety. Pungent, synthetic, nasty.

2) Garlic: slightly tangy, very strong and lingers even after the perpetrator is gone.

3) Onions: plain and simple; brings moisture to the eyes.

4) Cheesey-vinegar: this is for those with smelly feet. Really makes the stomach do somersaults.

5) Bad milk: sort of sourly familiar.

Hmmm…maybe I’m not so off topic regarding the food blog issue.

However, the very worst: people who try to mask their smell with spray. Horrendous. You are not fooling anyone, seriously. You just smell like an onion that is going on a hot date.

Another really awful circumstance is in the morbidly obese, so big that they can’t quite reach their bottom after they go to the bathroom, so they perpetually smell of faeces.

People who don’t wash their hair really get my dander up (ho ho ho!). But seriously, there are ladies out there who don’t wash their hair in order to preserve their blow-dry. What they do not know is that dirty/smelly hair is so much worse than not perfectly coiffed hair. If I catch a glimpse of ‘things’ in someone’s hair it’s all I can focus on.

I admit, I’m a little obsessed. I also admit, as an early teen I was not. Thank God, that period of my life didn’t last long. I love soap. I love the feeling of being freshly washed. In the tub is the only place where I am seriously alone with my thoughts…unless I choose not to be, which is a whole other ball park *nudge nudge wink wink*. I remember buying coconut scented shampoo,conditioner, soap and shower gel and I used them all in one sitting and turned myself into a human piña colada.

Bottom line is: I can not function if I am worried that I smell bad.

It has become apparent that not too many people share this worry. And I seem to encounter many: on the bus, at work, in the supermarket and on the street. And there is no nice way of telling somebody that they smell bad. No matter how it comes out, it sounds dreadful. You can bring it to someone’s attention in the sweetest way, but it still sounds awful. It’s a bit of a double edged sword really; if someone stinks you won’t want to hang about them and if you tell the person that they stink, you will lose a friend forever.

So remember the mantra people: soap is your friend. Develop a healthy relationship with it.

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And most importantly of all:

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as long as its clean.

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