I am not a summer person. I never have been. Yes, I adore the beach, but that is where my love for summer stops.

Common and ridiculous arguments in favour of summer:

1. Summer clothes are so bright and beautiful and airy!

My winter clothes are all brightly coloured. Also they show off a lot less skin. Yesterday I saw a woman walk down the corridor of the hospital in an ‘airy’ transparent dress. I could see her ill-fitting thong too. In the winter, I can’t say I see much of this.

2. Feeling hot is much less painful than feeling cold!

Incorrect. Unless you have somehow managed to aircondition your life, there is not much you can do to beat the heat. At least, when it is cold you can wear a sweater. When it is hot, you can’t exactly run around naked in the street. (that being said, I know some people attempt it, hence thong-lady in point 1.)

3. Everyone looks so tanned and healthy!

There is nothing healthy about a tan. Have you ever heard about the healthy melanoma? No, because there isn’t one.

4. THE CLINCHER: summer food is so good!

Since this is a food blog, I need to elaborate on this point. I think the whole ‘summer food’ concept is bullshit. I eat ice-cream in winter. Because it is good. Ice-cream does not all of a sudden taste bad in winter. And if any idiot tells me that cold ice-cream will make you feel cold I will tell you to go look up homeostasis. Reptiles require their surroundings to regulate their body temperature, not humans. I also eat soup in summer, because soup is good. And curry and chilli peppers. I also like roasts. As long as I am not the one who is actually roasting.

So roll along winter, because I am sincerely fed up of this stifling heat. Also, my extensive scarf collection is feeling lonely and redundant.