Today is my day off, but unfortunately I am rather unwell, so instead of going out and about and enjoying my free time, I have decided to stay in and carry out some indoor activities, like adding new and nonsensical apps to my iphone, stalking people on facebook, catching up on Breaking Bad and checking out my email.

While doing the latter, I found an email I had written back in 2004 about a God awful restaurant I had been to with some friends. I remember we had won a voucher. This place closed down shortly after this was written. All names have been ommitted.

The (name of restaurant) Experience

So just picture it…Friday night, 5 friends all happy and feeling quite bubbly at the prospect of getting together and having a nice meal which they had won a voucher for by pure luck. I particularly was looking forward, after a morning at the ward and a long driving lesson. When I made the booking, all seemed great and the person who answered the phone seemed thrilled to have us winners…I couldn’t have been more incorrect.
When we arrived at the restauraunt, the place was relatively empty and I already begun to smell a rat. we sat down and the floor manager or whatever he was informed us that we could not choose what we liked from the menu. He showed us a secluded part of the menu for voucher winners, and I can not say we were exactly spoiled for choice. I thank God none of us were vegetarians, because we would have had to walk out…actually, on second thoughts I DO wish one of us was a vegetarian!
The staff started by warning us how the kitchen closed at 11pm…it was 9.35pm. The warning was unecessary and I considered it quite rude. Then, we were offered red or white wine. When it arrived, the white was passable, but the red tasted like toilet water (or what i suppose toilet water could taste like). We asked if it could be changed. The manager asked if we’d like another and I said no, just give me a coke instead. He replied that they already opened the bottle and used half of it, but if I wanted a coke that would be fine. I remained adamant and asked for the coke. when they gave me the coke, the manager came up to us all friendly, rested on my brother’s shoulders and said “I’m sorry, but u were 100% correct about the wine…I’m very sorry” my brother’s retort was “wow an apology and a shoulder massage!”
When the food actually arrived, that was another atrocity. The waiter promised us bread and butter, which never came and probably would have been the best part of the meal, yet it never materialised. My brother and I ordered a sirloin steak. We could have patched up tires with it. I never had such tough meat in my life. I was afraid I was going to end up with arthritis if I kept trying to cut it. When I finally yanked a piece free, I swear Hubba Bubba would be jealous- meat flavoured bubble gum…what an invention! I couldnt eat it. I left it there on the plate…its a pity it went to waste, I should have taken it home to fix my shoes with. The worst part was that the waiter noticed I hadn’t eaten anything and didn’t ask if everything was satisfactory. Oh, and the vegetables were really great…fresh from the packet.
It started to get late…the waiters wanted to leave but were too polite to tell us so. So they simply switched off the spot lights in half the room and turned off the music. We chewed our desserts in silence. As soon as we finished, the waiter asked us if we wanted anything else (what a rhetorical question indeed) and handed us the bill. The difference was Lm7. We paid them and left them a very insulting tip of 1c and bustled out.
After careful scrutiny of the bill, we realised they over-charged us by 0.85c for a bottle of mineral water we never bought.
Since we are all good sports we laughed it off. However this is not a restauraunt I would ever recommend to anybody. Yet, i would like to thank the staff of the restauraunt profusely for giving me a highly entertaining story to tell. Thank-you!!


When ever I read anything I wrote from long ago, I must say I cringe a bit, however at least it leaves me safe in the knowledge that my writing has most definitely matured, and so has my point of view. I was about 22 when I wrote this piece, my goodness how things have changed. Thank goodness, nowadays it is hard to find a restaurant of such a poor calibre and I have never had as bad an experience as that one in these past five years.

Any way, the antihistamines seem to be kicking in and I am off to nap.