I stand before you a guilty cook. I have committed a crime, I admit it. I have committed the ultimate culinary sin. The following is a list of culinary crimes and the worthy punishment:

1. putting cheese on pasta with seafood= death by stoning

2. cutting your spaghetti before eating it= public hanging

3. putting mayonnaise in a cheese sandwich= 20 lashes

4. putting enough ingredients on your pizza until it looks like mt Everest= sit in a corner with your face to the wall

5. making an overly hot cappuccino= the maker should be made to drink it him/herself and scald his/her tongue beyond recognition

6. putting ketchup on pizza (this is not the same as point 4, this is a different story entirely)= the culprit should be made to douse ALL his future desserts in copious amounts of ketchup.

7. people who call lettuce ‘salad’= you are ignorant. This is punishment enough.

I have left you in suspense long enough. What was my crime of food? Why should I be hung, drawn and quartered? Well…………………….. I………………….made……………..cake……………………….from………………………………………..a……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….. packaged mix.

Yes. I just added eggs and oil and water. And baked for 25 mins. It is a carrot cake. And I hate to say it, but its delicious.

I tried to redeem myself. I really did. I made my own butter cream:

     I know it is no excuse. I am a very busy woman. If I didn’t have to go to work all day, I would probably bake my own bread. Heck, I would probably have my own farm.

But do you know what is the worst part?

This packaged cake probably turned out better than if I had made a real carrot cake myself. It is perfect, soft and moist. There is nothing that could possibly be done to improve upon it.

That being said, maybe that is precisely why if I had made that cake from scratch myself, it would have been better. Home cooking is NOT MEANT to be perfect. You are supposed to accidentally chuck in curry powder instead of brown sugar, and realise that you haven’t enough butter in the fridge but plod along anyway. You are meant to drop in a few egg shells and spill an entire bag of flour on the cat.

Can I say that this is to be a one time offense? I sincerely wish I could, but I know I can’t. I most definitely will make packaged cake again at some point. I guess that makes the crime even worse, because it has been pre-meditated. Ah well. If you are in the vicinity, come over and have a slice. But don’t say thank-you…you would have consumed the evidence!

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